A Sticky Wicket in Bollywood Read online

  We’d tentatively agreed to let you know when you became an adult.”

  Rajan remembered his mother telling him that, but she’d reneged when he’d been pulled out of university and into the Bollywood world. He felt a twinge of regret for not pressing the point more, demanding earlier in his life to know about his father. But he’d remained contentedly under his mother’s auspices, taking the easy road and letting her steer his course.

  “Then you started your career in the public eye and she was convinced that the stigma of having a gay father would harm your career. I’d always wondered, though, whether it was more about Satvika herself being talked about, even all these decades later, that she was more afraid of.” He shook his head. “I suppose we’ll never know for certain. But she did the right thing at the end. And, Rajan, I’m so very glad to have you in my life. I hope…that you still feel the same way…now that you know.”

  Rajan reached out to take father’s hand, then grasped Amit’s hand with the other. “I am proud to call you my father. Fathers,” he corrected.

  The couple’s joy in each other and their lives together was contagious, and Rajan couldn’t help but want that for himself.

  * * * *

  Rajan lay in bed that night in the cosy guest room of Bansi and Amit’s house. He thought about Amit, back here in Punjab while Bansi had given up on their relationship and gone off to a new life. He hadn’t wanted to pry, but wondered what had made Amit take Bansi back after everything that had passed between them. Had he been waiting, hanging on to the hope that his lover would come to his senses and return? Or had he moved on in the meantime, trying to find love again?

  His thoughts turned to Ajay. In the wake of tonight’s revelations, he knew he needed to take a good, hard look at himself and his priorities. Rajan was being supremely unfair in expecting Ajay to have a lover only within the walls of his home and never have a partner to go out and do things with—even simple things like go to a show or walk on the shore, have an intimate dinner at a nice restaurant. Rajan suddenly wanted to do all those things and more with Ajay. He wanted to wine and dine him, take him dancing, go off on holiday together, go to his cricket matches and be the loudest one to cheer when he had his turn at bat.

  The thought of Ajay having another man at his side for any of those things made Rajan’s blood run cold. And yet, Rajan was constantly doing just that with another person.

  Ajay had to know by now that he had nothing to fear from Karishma, but that wasn’t the point. The fact that someone else had the benefit of Rajan’s public interest was disrespectful, dishonest and cowardly.

  Yes, his career might suffer if he publicly acknowledged his relationship with Ajay. But why was he even concerned anymore? His mother at the end had admitted she had been wrong in orchestrating his life to court the acceptance of the public. He didn’t want that to be him, having regrets over what he’d placed value on in this lifetime.

  Rajan knew what was most important to him in his life, what he would regret the most if he lost. It wasn’t public opinion and it wasn’t his career.

  It was Ajay.

  And when he got home tomorrow, he was going to finally let Ajay—and everyone else—know exactly where his heart lay.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “When does Raj come back from the shoot?” Neel asked over the phone.

  Ajay thought about what Raj had told him about his schedule. “Do you know? Hasn’t Karishma tweeted about it?”

  Ajay grinned when Neel groaned. “I don’t follow her anymore, and I don’t go out of my way to look them up on the internet either. Which is why I’m asking you.”

  “I’m just teasing you. I think he said he’d back in Mumbai today. I’m not sure I care when he gets home,” Ajay muttered. There was a loud sigh, and Ajay could almost hear Neel roll his eyes. “What?”

  “What’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing. I might have promised not to involve myself with your relationship, but I have to say something.”

  Ajay didn’t think he wanted to hear what Neel had to say, yet he knew his friend and there wasn’t any way he could stop Neel from talking.

  “All right, Neel. Go ahead and get it off your chest.” He went out onto the veranda, then propped his hip against the rail. Looking out at the skyline of the city, he waited.

  “You need to talk to Raj about the whole situation. I can tell you’re getting angry and frustrated with how he’s handling things, and I’m afraid you’re going to do something you’ll regret.” Neel paused for a second, then continued, “Like you did back in university.”

  “While I do regret most of what I said and did back then, I still had the right to be mad at Raj. I thought we had something special, and that he wasn’t going to run out on me, but he did. The first time his mother called with an audition, he left me.” Ajay clenched his hand, pounding it on the railing. “When do I get to be more important than his career? When do I get to know that he’s not ashamed of me?”

  “And those are valid questions, man, but don’t give Raj an ultimatum. You did the last time, and look where that left you. He chose his mother over you. If you confront him when you’re angry like this, you might not like what he ends up choosing this time.”

  Ajay hated it when Neel was right, yet he couldn’t help feeling like his friend was taking Raj’s side. “You sound like you understand why he’s doing it, and that you support him. Don’t you think I have the right to expect my boyfriend to admit he’s dating me? I want to be more than some guy’s secret.”

  “I get that, Ajay, but I also understand why Raj is reluctant to come out. The public is crazy about Bollywood celebrities, and it would turn into a feeding frenzy. You’re a sports star, but you aren’t a media darling. You’re not hounded by paparazzi and photographers.

  Your career doesn’t depend on the fickle nature of your fans,” Neel pointed out.

  Ajay stalked back to his bed, then flopped onto the mattress. He glared up at the ceiling, trying to calm his emotions. While he might feel angry and used, Neel was right. He needed to think before he said anything to Raj. As much as he wanted Raj to shout how much he loved Ajay from the rooftops, Ajay did know that it would be difficult for Raj to be public about their relationship.

  “Fine. I won’t yell at him, but we are going to have a big discussion about the whole thing. I need to know he thinks I’m worth him risking his career for.” Ajay sighed. “That’s pretty selfish of me, isn’t it?”

  Neel chuckled. “In a way yes, it is selfish, but you have the right to feel that way, Ajay.

  Each person in a relationship should be the most important thing in their lover’s life.”

  “Thanks for that.” Ajay huffed. His phone beeped, and he held it away to check the name on the screen. “I have to go. Raj’s calling me.”

  “Remember don’t go off on him. Be an adult about it, and have a rational conversation with him.”

  Ajay hung up on Neel, then answered Raj’s call. “Hello.”

  “Hello, Ajay. How are you doing today?”

  “Good. Are you back in town?” See me acting all normal and everything.

  Raj’s laugh was tired. “Yes. In fact, I’m on my way over to see you. Is that all right?”

  Taking a deep breath as silently as he could, Ajay knew it was the perfect opportunity to talk to Raj about where he saw their relationship going. “Yes, it’s fine. I’ll see you when you get here.”

  “I can’t wait. I have so much to tell you. And I’ve missed you, Ajay.”

  Why does he have to sound like he means that? Why can’t he be arrogant and selfish? That way if this doesn’t work out, I won’t feel bad about dumping him.

  “I’ve missed you as well, Raj.” He wasn’t lying. He really had missed his lover. “Be safe and I’ll see you when you get here.”

  After hanging up, he set his phone aside before climbing out of bed and going to pull on a shirt to go with the silk pants he wore. He padded downstairs into the kitchen area. He didn�
��t visit there very often, knowing it was Mrs Mehra’s private domain, and it made her nervous when he was around, but she’d already left for the evening, and he wanted to have something for Raj to eat when he got there. Ajay put together a plate of fruit, hummus and naan, then put it on a tray with a carafe of chai. He carried it to the veranda off his study, and set the tray on the low table he’d placed out there the other day. There were pillows and a rug to make everything more comfortable.

  Standing there, Ajay studied the tableaux. Maybe he was trying too hard to make things look normal and not like he was planning on ambushing Raj about relationship problems.

  Once he had the refreshments set up, he went to his desk to kill some time until Raj arrived. He checked his email, then brought up one of the Indian newspaper sites that he used. A side link to a story with Raj’s name caught his eye. He clicked on it and froze. What he saw was like a physical punch to the gut, and he could almost feel his blood pressure skyrocket.

  A picture of Raj and some guy, dancing together.

  Stunned, he clicked on the photo to enlarge it, and clenched his hands. There was no Karishma in sight, and Raj had a big smile on his face while gripping the other man’s hips and pressing his groin against the man’s ass.

  What the fuck is he doing?

  Ajay brought up the short article under the picture and gritted his teeth.

  ‘ Rajan Malik spotted dancing at the wrap party for his latest movie. Karishma nowhere in sight.

  Who is this mystery man Rajan is dancing so intimately with? Could they be dance partners off the floor as well?’

  Rage began to boil inside Ajay as he clicked off the article, but left the picture of Raj up on the screen.

  Who the hell does he think he is? The bloody bastard lied to me. He said he was going to the club with Karishma. Yet here he is with another man.

  Ajay studied the man practically having sex with Raj on the dance floor. Whoever he was, he was quite pretty, and that just fuelled Ajay’s jealousy even more. So there was someone else, and it wasn’t just Karishma. Raj had been playing him for a fool.

  He’ll keep me at home while he has another piece of ass on the side, and hide both of us from the public so he can parade Karishma around to make his fans happy.

  That wasn’t about to fly with Ajay. He was done being Raj’s dirty little secret, and he was going to tell Raj that as soon as he saw him.

  How dare he think he can get away with doing that to me?

  Ajay jumped to his feet, then started to pace. He snatched a glass off the side bar before whirling around. He barely stopped himself from flinging it across the room for the very satisfying sound of it breaking against the wall. No. He’d take his anger out on Raj…not defenceless inanimate objects.

  He carefully set the glass back down, then continued pacing around the room, his anger building with each circuit he took. Ajay should’ve known that it was all too good to be true.

  As he fumed and plotted all the different ways he was going to chew Raj out, Ajay lost track of time.

  “Hey, Ajay, where are you?”

  Freezing, Ajay glared at the study door when Raj’s voice interrupted his plans for revenge and Raj’s total annihilation. The time was at hand, and Ajay found he was almost too angry to function.

  “Ajay?” Raj called again, and finally Ajay discovered his voice.

  “I’m in the study, Raj.” Ajay managed to make his way out onto the veranda, not sure he wanted to take the chance on being in the vicinity of anything throwable.

  He waited, and soon Raj strolled through the door, a bright smile on his face. The man had no idea what Ajay was about to unleash on him.

  “Am I glad to see you. You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.” Raj continued to approach, lifting his arms preparing for a hug.

  Ajay held up his hand, stopping Raj before he got too close. “Really? You missed me?”

  The smile began to dim a bit as Raj evidently began to register the ill mood in the air.

  “Of course I did.” A slight frown puckered his brow as he looked down at the hand Ajay held between them like a barrier, then back up at Ajay’s face. “Is something wrong?”

  Ajay raised an eyebrow. “Wrong? What could possibly be wrong? I mean you missed me, and that makes everything you might have done while on location okay.”

  Raj’s plump lips parted in a shocked expression. “I… Ajay, I don’t understand. What do you mean, what I might have done? After working my ass off from dark to dark, my free time was spent either visiting my father or talking to you on the phone. I’m not sure what you think I did, but—”

  “What I think you did? What could I have possibly imagined you might have been doing?” Ajay gestured to Raj to follow him over to his computer. He quickly brought the photo of Raj and the guy up on his screen. “Or should I say who you were doing?”

  Raj’s frown smoothed into a fond look as he saw the photo, sending Ajay’s temper through the roof. “Oh, yeah, Kavin and…” He glanced up at Ajay and took a step back, his smile morphing into a look of dawning comprehension. “Oh. Oh, no. It’s not how it looks.”

  “Not how it looks? Seriously, you’re going to tell me that you weren’t grinding against some guy out in public when you won’t even acknowledge that we’re friends. I’m supposed to believe it was all innocent fun.” Ajay clenched his trembling hands, working hard not to haul off and hit Raj square in the face.

  “Who is he, Raj? How long have you been seeing him, or is he some piece of ass you picked up on set? And where was Karishma? Since you don’t seem to be cooling things off with her, I would’ve thought your fiancée would’ve been somewhere nearby.” He took a breath, wanting nothing more than to grab Raj and shake him until his perfect white teeth fell out of his head.

  A wounded look had appeared on Raj’s face during his tirade. His nostrils flared as he inhaled sharply. He tightened his jaw, and tears glinted in his eyes.

  Ajay couldn’t resist a dig while waiting for Raj to answer him. “Nice acting. I’m supposed to be convinced you’re the injured party here, right? I have to hand it to you.

  You’re good at your job. The one you said you never wanted.”

  Raj started shaking his head slowly and took another step back. He opened his mouth then closed it again without saying a word.

  “Just as I thought. You can’t deny anything. I thought…” Ajay stopped to take a breath, then continued, “I thought this time would be different. You would acknowledge me as your lover out in public, but I should’ve known it wouldn’t be any different. You love your career more than you could ever love me.”

  “You’ve obviously already convicted me in your mind. It won’t matter whether I deny it or not.” His voice was flat and dead. Raj turned away, then stopped. “I can’t get over the fact that you would think these things about me without giving me the chance to explain, after all we’ve been to each other.” He looked back at Ajay with pain and despair written on every line of his face.

  “What have I been to you except a diversion or an easy piece of ass to help you blow off steam? You walked away from me in university, so obviously I didn’t mean that much to you in the first place. It’s not that big a leap to see that you took advantage of the feelings I still had for you, and decided to have your cake and eat it too.” Ajay turned around, shoving his fingers through his hair. “Nothing’s changed, Raj. You’re still hiding who you are, and I should’ve known you would never break off your ‘engagement’ to Karishma. We were always going to be secret lovers, instead of being able to hold hands in public, and you would never kiss me or acknowledge me.”

  Raj gave a mirthless laugh. “You do seem to choose the worst possible times to get self-righteous, Ajay. Next time I decide to wait and talk to you in person about something important, I’ll know better…though, I’m guessing there won’t be a next time. I can’t seem to give you what you need when you need it, and I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me to do the right t
hing.”

  Bothered by the growing finality in Raj’s voice, Ajay turned back to meet his sad yet resolute gaze.

  “For the record, Kavin is just a friend. And I came here tonight with the best of intentions. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, then or now.” Rajan pressed his lips together.

  Pain shot through Ajay’s heart, and he bit his lip to keep from reaching out to take Raj in his arms. No. I have to be strong and not cave to those sad eyes, and that heartbroken voice.

  Raj nodded once slowly, as though confirming something to himself, maybe that he wasn’t surprised that Ajay had no response to give. He scrubbed his hand over his face then left without another word.

  Ajay watched as Raj walked out of his study—out of his life.

  Knowing that he’d survived this very thing once before gave him no comfort now.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ajay barely moved when the door to his bedroom opened up. Lying on his side, he continued to stare at the wall opposite him. At times, he didn’t understand why he was such a fucking idiot. Then there were other times when he knew why he did the shit he did, and still did them, instead of stopping, taking a deep breath, and thinking things through.

  “Have you got out of bed at all today?” Neel appeared in his line of sight.

  “Yes. I’ve gone to the bathroom. I’m not so depressed that I’d lie here and piss the bed.”

  Ajay closed his eyes, not wanting to see Neel or the annoyed expression on his face.

  “You know, when I hadn’t heard from you last night or today, I thought maybe you and Raj were having a lot of welcome home sex, but it looks like he didn’t spend the night.”

  Ajay snorted. “He didn’t even spend thirty minutes here. The minute I saw him, I started yelling at him.”